


A Different Proposal

by kawada_s



Category: Battle Royale - All Media Types
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 18:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10702794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawada_s/pseuds/kawada_s
Summary: When Noriko proposes to Mitsuko, things don't go as she hoped. Modern AU / No Program.





	A Different Proposal

A Different Proposal

Noriko thought that the time was absolutely perfect. The two of them had made it through everything and were finally getting _somewhere_ , now in the second last year of university, sharing an apartment, heading towards an ever better future than she had imagined for the two of them. They were facing it together, despite all the times she feared she was going to lose her, all the times people told her it wasn’t going to work, that it was a disaster, that it was laughable she thought it was ever going to be long-term – _after all, you know who she_ is _after all_ – but they’d done it.

Now seemed like the perfect time to take the next step. Could things get any better from here? After several months of keeping it to herself, talking to only the most trusted of her friends about her decision, she’d finally done it. She’d gone out, bought the ring, planned out what day she was going to ask her, and set everything up to be as perfect as possible. Now… all that was left was to actually ask her.

“So, what’s this all about?” Mitsuko laughed as the two walked along, holding her hand tightly. “Any special day? Did I forget something?”

It wasn’t a rarity for Mitsuko to forget anniversaries. She was getting better at it, but they still slipped her mind at times. She tried, though. For Noriko. She had done a lot of trying for Noriko over the years.

“No, I just thought it might be nice to get out for the day. Our exams are over, we’re on a break for a while, we’re together. What’s not to celebrate?” Noriko smiled shyly. She walked a little slower now as the two approached one of the nicest places in the park, the place where she had decided she was finally going to do it.

If she had the courage, that was. The plan in her head had seemed so concrete, so easy, but putting it into action was harder than she thought. She usually didn’t get _this_ nervous, but here she was, heart beating badly, hands shaking, digging around in the pocket of her skirt for the ring box. _Oh god… what if it fell out a while ago and I never noticed? What if I didn’t bring it?_

“Fair point, but still, you didn’t have to go to all this trouble,” Mitsuko shrugged, fighting the urge to add _‘I don’t deserve it’_ at the end. For the most part, she had broken that cycle, but it still came back to her every now and then. “The flowers, the picnic… seriously, if I did miss something and you don’t want to say, just tell me.”

Noriko just shook her head, leading them over to a bench, surrounded by vibrant flowers and secluded by trees, a place she had been to many times over the years. She had written many poems here, both about the place itself and about people the place inspired her to write about, some of them Mitsuko’s favourites. It seemed like the absolute perfect place to propose.

“You didn’t, I promise. I just wanted to do this. I thought it would be the perfect start to the day,” Noriko watched her, waiting for her to sit down on the bench. “More specifically, the perfect lead-up to… _this.”_

Mitsuko looked down at her, wondering what she had been planning all this time. She hated surprises, she really did, associating them with negative events, but she tried to give them a go for Noriko. Her surprises always were good, but this time, she wasn’t too sure what to think. When her Noriko got down on one knee, she felt like she was going to throw up. When she pulled out the box, revealing the most beautiful ring she had ever seen in her life, her heart raced.

“Mitsuko, we’ve been through so much together through these six years. We’ve faced everything that’s come our way so far, and we can face everything to come in the future. Together. There’s no one else that I want to spend my life with but you. Through the good, the bad – everything. I know-“

“No. No, Noriko. No. No… _no.”_

Her speech cut short, Noriko’s eyes widened, and when she registered what Mitsuko had said, her heart shattered into a million pieces. Before she could ask her anything, Mitsuko got up off the bench and began to run, faster than Noriko had ever seen her run in her life. Fighting inside between giving her space and going after her, she shut the box and began to run after her. She couldn’t leave it like this. She needed to know… was this going to be the end of absolutely everything? Both due to her tears and her delayed reaction, she lost sight of her quickly, but had an idea where she might be heading. It seemed like the only place she’d go.

_“Hey,” Noriko said quietly, taking a seat on the swing beside her. Mitsuko looked away from the dirt below and hesitantly met her eyes. She knew why. No matter how hard she attempted to hide it, the real truth always came out when she looked into her eyes. It was one of the first things Noriko had noticed about her when she truly looked at her for the first time._

_“Why aren’t you celebrating with everyone else?” Mitsuko asked her, dragging her boots through the dirt. She gripped the metal chains of the swing until her hands burned. “It’s your high school graduation. You should be having fun.”_

_“It’s yours too,” Noriko reached out for one of her hands, the hint of a smile appearing on her face when she took it. “You should be enjoying the day as well. You worked so hard to get here, and I’m so proud of you. My mom is proud of you. Even my brother is proud of you, and you can bet, despite the fact that they’d never say anything out loud, Hirono and Yoshimi are proud of you too.”_

_“Yeah, right,” Mitsuko scoffed. It was obvious she was using the laughter to hide her pain, but Noriko could see right through her. Finally, she felt as if she got where Mitsuko’s pain was coming from._ I’m such an idiot… why didn’t I think of this earlier?

_“You’re thinking about your father, aren’t you?” Noriko asked, squeezing her hand. She usually didn’t bring up her father, just how like Mitsuko didn’t bring up her own, but at the same time, the two always tried to be honest with each other. “You wish he was here to see you graduate.”_

_Reluctantly, Mitsuko nodded. It was a hard thing, Noriko knowing her so well. Sometimes, it was great having someone that knew you better than you knew yourself, but at others, she wished she couldn’t read her at all. It was a real…_ Noriko _thing. She could read anyone, pretty much. Mitsuko didn’t know how she did it._

_“I don’t know why I care so much,” Mitsuko said, to herself more than anything. “It’s not like my father would be proud of me if he was still here.”_

_“It’s natural to care, you know,” Noriko said. “To be truthful, I kind of miss my own dad. But from before, you know. Before I knew what he was doing… the version associated with my childhood. I wish he could have showed up today.”_

_Mitsuko nodded, her face hardening in the way it usually did when Noriko’s father came up in conversation. God, she wanted to tear him to pieces. He didn’t deserve to have Noriko as a daughter, her brother as a son, or the trust of his wife for so long. When Noriko’s mother had finally find out how he had been going behind her back for years and kicked him out, Mitsuko was the one there for her during the divorce process. Noriko never would have believed it, but it had happened and she was grateful to have had her there._

_“If only we could do a swap,” Mitsuko let out a laugh, unable to help herself._

_She half-expected Noriko to tell her it was a horrible thing to say and to apologise, but she just laughed as well. Her period of holding out hope for her father, for sticking up for him, was over. Now, if she saw him in the street, she wouldn’t exactly be in any rush to hold Mitsuko back if she went to beat the shit out of him._

_“Would you like to go back now?” Noriko asked. She knew she hadn’t fixed the problem. Her father couldn’t be brought  back, but she knew that she had done something. Her laugh was genuine again, instead a weapon used to deflect questions about her feelings._

_“I guess,” Mitsuko just shrugged, but made no move to get up off the swing. “Can I ask you a question before we go, though?”_

_Noriko nodded._

_“How did you know I was here?” Mitsuko asked. Noriko gave her a small smile, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She almost fell off the swing, but steadied herself at the last moment, only making Mitsuko start laughing again._

_“You always come here when something happens. Every time. This very same swing set. It must have some sort of significance to you. Always the same one…”_

_Mitsuko nodded, the time for laughing over. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the metal chains of the swing, telling herself it wasn’t the time to go through this stuff at the moment. It was her graduation day, and she should be enjoying it. She got up off the swing slowly, reached a hand out for Noriko, and clasped it tightly as they walked back to the festivities._

As she approached the swings, Noriko could almost see them there on that day, as eighteen year olds, wearing their school uniforms for the last time, feeling like they had made it. Even then, she never truly imagined that they’d get here. Maybe she had, once or twice, but it had just felt like a dream. At least, in the dream, it hadn’t happened like this.

No one was there at the swings. Vision blurring with tears, she tried to calm herself down, trying to figure out where Mitsuko could possibly be. It made no sense she wasn’t at the park. She _always_ came here when something happened. No exceptions. Maybe this time, she hadn’t because… she hadn’t wanted to be found? The feeling of hurt returned in full-force, but she tried to ignore them for now. Where else could she be?

Their apartment? It didn’t seem likely, Mitsuko probably figuring she’d check there next, but she still decided to go there anyway. She needed to check, make sure it was ruled out as an opinion. As she ran, their apartment on the other side of town, she tried to figure out what to say if she found her there. She wasn’t mad. Maybe hurt, but she wasn’t going to get angry at her. She just wanted to know – _why?_ All she wanted to talk. That was it.

The car wasn’t out the front. That was the first thing she noticed when she arrived, but still, she went inside… just in case. She unlocked the door and began to look around, the silence absolutely deafening. As she walked down the hall to their room, she caught a glimpse of the flowers in the vase on the coffee table, it as if they were from another lifetime now. How could so much change in only a few hours?

As expected, the bedroom was empty. She opened the closet and noticed some of Mitsuko’s clothes were gone, as well as some of her other belongings. She was gone, and while Noriko was desperate to find her, decided against trying to call her. Maybe giving her space was the right option for now. If she had wanted to talk, she probably would have been at the swings. Still, it didn’t stop her from hurting. She sat down on the bed and finally let the hurt consume her, but she just couldn’t cry. All the tears she had blinked back earlier had completely disappeared, leaving her with nothing but pure pain inside that she didn’t know how to let out.

She pulled her phone out after several minutes. She had to do something, otherwise she’d probably end up sitting here all day. She scrolled through her contact list and fired off a text to one of the only people she had talked to about the engagement. Hopefully he’d be around.

**[Noriko Nakagawa: hey are you around to talk?]**

**[Shuya Nanahara: yeah. Do I sense an engagement announcement?]**

**[Noriko Nakagawa: not exactly.]**

**[Shuya Nanahara: we can meet up at the restaurant by the park if you want to talk?]**

**[Noriko Nakagawa: sure. I’ll be there in 20 minutes. You can bring Nobu as well if you like.]**

After Shuya sent off a reply saying he and Nobu would be waiting for her, she went to get ready. Not having the heart to return the ring, she buried it in a drawer as she had for the past few months, as if it had never left at all.

\---

“Oh. It’s you,” Hirono Shimizu’s disappointed face was not exactly the thing Mitsuko wanted to see at the moment. Then again, she wasn’t expecting her to jump up and down in joy at the sight of her on her doorstep either. “I mean… I thought you were the pizza guy. No one measures up to the pizza guy.”

“Fair point, I guess,” Mitsuko muttered, shoving her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. “Can I come in?”

“Will it stop you if I said no?” Hirono rolled her eyes, then stepped aside to let her in. When she noticed the large bag she was holding, she realised that she had in that moment invited Mitsuko to stay as well. She did this sometimes, showing up unattended on the doorstep, sleeping on their couch for weeks on end until finally, she decided to leave. It could get rather annoying, but she hadn’t done it for years now.

At the sound of Mitsuko’s voice, Yoshimi Yahagi, Hirono’s roommate and girlfriend of four years,  ran up to her and hugged her as tightly as possible. As tempted as she was to tell her to get away, Mitsuko let her this time. In a way, she had to admit she needed it, even if after a while she couldn’t breathe properly. When she finally pulled away, she took a seat on their battered couch, dumped her bag on the floor, and got ready for the questions. Hirono knew better to ask her a stream of queries as soon as she walked in the door, but Yoshimi had never gotten past it.

“Why are you here?” Yoshimi asked. At her bluntness, despite the fact it was not done on purpose, Hirono snorted with laughter. “I mean… I’m not trying to be rude, but you haven’t come to visit in ages.”

“I guess I needed a vacation,” Mitsuko said. For once, Hirono couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic or not. She had driven four hours to come see them, which meant that she had actually set out to come here. They weren’t a last resort or anything. Mitsuko didn’t take actual vacations. Something had to have happened.

“It’s nice of you to come see us,” Yoshimi smiled. “Right, Hirono?”

From her spot slumped next to Yoshimi, Hirono just shrugged. Her and Yoshimi had been aiming to have a date night, a rarity for them, but of course, on one of the only nights off they shared together, _Mitsuko_ had to come and ruin this. She’d keep that to herself, though. She could tell she was in one of those moods, the ones where she was just _waiting_ to be given the opportunity to be a bitch.

“Where’s Noriko?” Yoshimi asked her. She noticed something in her eyes change when she mentioned her name, but she couldn’t tell what it was. “Oh. I know why you’re here. You two must have had a fight or something. I thought that was gonna happen. Like, you guys are cute, but I never really saw the long-term potential. She’s Noriko, and you’re you.”

Mitsuko had never been more grateful for the invention of the doorbell. She sighed in relief when the two got up and went to the door, leaving her with her own thoughts for a minute. She pulled out her phone, opened her last conversation with Noriko, and debated leaving her a message. She’d have figured out she was gone by now, she was sure of it. Either she hated her right now, was worried sick, or absolutely miserable. She couldn’t figure out was worse.

As Yoshimi returned with two boxes of pizza, she put her phone away before she could see Noriko’s name on the screen. _Maybe no text message today. Maybe in a few days… maybe not at all…_

“Want some?” Yoshimi asked, holding out a greasy triangle. While she was starving, having not eaten a thing since the picnic with Noriko before the engagement disaster, she thought if she ate anything she’d be sick. Yoshimi just shrugged when she shook her head, taking a large bite, Mitsuko deciding she wanted to get away from the smell of pizza sauce and cheese.

The kitchen seemed like a good option. She got up without a word and looked around for something, anything to do. She could do their dishes, just for something to do, but there were none stacked up by the sink and if there were, she’d probably break them. She recoiled in disgust at the sight of the fridge. In the end, the only thing that stuck out to her was the cabinet beside the pantry. She could see the bottles inside. It was unlocked. It was calling to her. She knew she shouldn’t open it, as once she started she couldn’t stop, and she had made a promise. She opened the door before she really knew what she was doing. Her eyes scanned for anything that had been up high in her favourites list. Her hands ended up gripping a bottle a few minutes later that brought back a lot of memories of long nights she had spent alone. She couldn’t remember what it tasted like anymore, though.

She poured herself a glass, letting out a small sigh at the sound. One night didn’t mean anything. She needed it tonight. It didn’t mean she was on her way to rock bottom or anything.

God, she knew what that felt like.

_The knocks on the door had been going on for about fifteen minutes. She could only just hear them, same with the calls of her name. She should answer the door, she knew that – it was Noriko, and she had wanted to see her for days, but getting off the couch seemed impossible. As had answering her texts. She moved her head over a little, the pillow she was resting on dropping off the couch, picking it up another thing that seemed like too much work._

_Why wasn’t she asleep? Why couldn’t she sleep? It was supposed to work._

_She probably needed another, but the rest of the alcohol was in the kitchen, and even for that it felt like a long way to walk. She just wanted to lay here forever, on the brink of drowning, stomach swirling around, unable to do a thing. It was all she could do. Her eyes focused on the light above her head, the room seeming to get darker and darker by the second. Was this going to be eternity now?_

_Then, the door creaked open. The key. The spare key. She’d told Noriko where it was ages ago, and she must have remembered. Why had she done it? She couldn’t see her like this. She couldn’t. Noriko was approaching anyway, and still, she couldn’t get herself off the couch._

_“Mitsuko!”_

_When Noriko yelled her name, sending shockwaves of pain through her skull, she knew she had seen everything. The empty bottles on the floor, some broken, others not. The stains on the wall, from unfinished ones she’d thrown in frustration. The majority of the couch cushions, torn open, stuffing strewn across the floor. It was an absolute disaster, yet she had made no move to clean it up._

_She tried this time to get up off the couch, for Noriko’s sake, but the room began to spin as soon as she lifted her head. Noticing she seemed quite out of it, Noriko ran over, almost tripping over some of the bottles, and tried to help her get up. Even in her dazed state, Mitsuko could see Noriko was horrified. She had never, ever seen her like this before and she had been planning to keep it that way._

_“I… I’m sorry,” Mitsuko slurred as she tried to step away, but her legs were failing her. “You… you can go home. I’ll be fine.”_

_“I was worried about you,” Noriko sighed and shook her head, holding onto her a little tighter when she saw her begin to shake. “I haven’t heard from you all break. I wanted to make sure you were okay…”_

_Mitsuko was about to protest, wanting her to leave as soon as possible. The less time she spent here, the less likely it was for her to have this image of her burned into her brain for months to come. It wasn’t the case. She lurched forward and was sick on the floor, Noriko stepping back a little. More than ever, Mitsuko wanted her to go home._

_“You can go,” Mitsuko coughed. “I’ll be fine.”_

_“I can’t leave you like this,” Noriko shook her head. “Look at you. Please… just let me help you.”_

_It was futile trying to get Noriko to go, she knew that. It was just Noriko being… well, Noriko. She was always trying to help everyone when they needed it, never one to turn their back on someone when they needed her most, even when she herself would have easily. Without a second thought, she would have just let herself rot in the house. She didn’t deserve this, she was so sure of it, but there was no chance of Noriko believing that._

_She let her lead her down the hallway, slumping down on the floor when Noriko went off to get something. She tried to stay in the moment, but the alcohol was catching up with her. Her head slumped against the ripped wallpaper as she tried to listen, vaguely hearing the sound of running water down the hall, the slamming of a drawer, Noriko coming and going from a room. Then, Noriko helped her up again._

_“Here. Have a bath. You’ll feel a little better after, I promise,” Noriko said, keeping her voice down. She had no idea what to do, but it felt right. “I’ll make some tea and clean up out here.”_

_Mitsuko nodded, Noriko shutting the door once she disappeared into the bathroom. She started by cleaning up the bottles, there being a lot more than she expected, wanting to get all the broken glass out of the way first. The untouched bottles in the kitchen continued to capture her attention, but she tried to leave them be. Her first thought was to pour them down the sink, ultimately deciding to just put them away in a cupboard instead. Getting rid of them for good didn’t exactly seem like the calmest way to begin the conversation._

_She was preparing the tea as the bathroom door creaked open, placing two cups on the table as she joined her in the kitchen. Noriko knew she had to choose her words carefully, for one of the first times not exactly knowing what would fit. She debated on asking her mother for help tomorrow, but she knew Mitsuko wouldn’t appreciate it. She was nice to her mother and appreciated what she did for her, but she just couldn’t trust her yet. Maybe one day, in time._

_“The living room looks great,” Mitsuko said, taking a sip of tea. It tasted absolutely terrible, too bland and watery, but knew it was only her. “Thanks for it. And the tea.”_

_“It’s okay,” Noriko shrugged. The silence in the room as the two drank was torturous. Words moved around in her mind, not leaving her alone once the stream started. Nothing seemed right though, so eventually, she tried to settle on something kind of to the point. “This isn’t the first time you’ve been like this, is it?”_

_“Nope,” Mitsuko stared down at her cup. There was no point in lying. “Not by a long shot.”_

_“How… how often does this happen?” Noriko tried to meet her gaze, but Mitsuko was refusing to look up from her cup. She reached out for her free hand, squeezing it tightly, just to remind her that no matter what, she was going to be there, and she wouldn’t judge her at all._

_“A lot,” Mitsuko mumbled. “I can’t give a number. It just… happens, I guess. Something to do.”_

_“You know I’m here,” Noriko said, knowing it was such a useless, pitiful response. She couldn’t take away all the pain and hurting she felt inside, no matter how hard she tried. It was something that she had to deal with, with Noriko there for her to lean on when she needed it, to encourage her to keep going. “Has this been happening the whole time we’ve been together?”_

_If it had, she was never going to forgive herself. She should have seen… should have realised. How could she have missed it?_

_“Before as well,” Mitsuko said, still refusing to meet her gaze. She let her hair fall in her face, flinching slightly when Noriko brushed it away. “Since maybe.. end of eighth grade? Start of ninth? We’re in the eleventh now so… yeah… awhile.”_

_Noriko pushed away her tea, unable to finish it. She felt guilty, so, so guilty for never noticing... how could she not have? She only pulled herself out her thoughts when she felt Mitsuko’s hand on her shoulder. She met her eyes again, seeing so much shame and embarrassment in them, and even, while she would never admit it, the shining of tears._

_“Don’t beat yourself, up, okay? There’s a reason why you never found out,” her voice was cracking now, which made Noriko feel even worse. This never happened. Mitsuko had never cried in front of her once. “I never wanted you to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to see me like this, but especially you. Just… once I start, I can’t fucking stop.”_

_When Mitsuko cried, Noriko couldn’t help it, and started crying too. She gently took the cup out her hand and pulled her close, raking her hands through her hair. Both of them were absolutely lost, but knew there was nowhere to go from here but up._

_“It’s going to be okay, I promise. We.. we’ll work through this. We’ll get through this okay? I promise,” Noriko whispered, having no idea if her words would even make a difference. She kissed her forehead lightly and saw the hint of a smile appear on her lips._

_Mitsuko wasn’t sure in that moment if she believed her, but she was going to try._

The memory almost made her drop the glass, her now tempted to throw the drink down the sink, but she didn’t. Instead, she took the whole bottle with her to the living room. It was the wrong thing to do, but she needed it. One night wouldn’t make a difference. Noriko might not even find out. If she did, she’d probably have more of a reason to hate her, but for now, she wanted to forget.

“Um, Mitsuko?” Yoshimi looked over at her when she sat back down, almost slamming the bottle on the table. Hirono and Yoshimi had ended up knowing about the whole thing eventually, and had been an unlikely help in keeping her off the alcohol.

“Please. Just let me have this, okay? Just this once,” Mitsuko said. Once the glass was gone, she decided not to bother, instead taking a long swing from the bottle. Yoshimi felt slightly ill looking over at her, eyeing Hirono for help.

“Don’t hate me for saying this, but maybe, if she gets drunk, we’ll find out what brought her here.” Hirono muttered. Yoshimi frowned at her, reaching to pry the bottle from her hands, but to no avail. When Yoshimi continued, she walked off, and once she heard the lock click into place, she knew she was determined.

 _If only Noriko was here,_ she thought to herself.

\---

“Excuse me, are you sure you want every appetizer on the menu?” the waitress frowned at Yoshitoki Kuninobu. He gave her a nod and without a word, passed the menus to her, watching as she walked off in confusion. Shuya Nanahara laughed slightly, craning his neck to see if Noriko had showed up yet, but he couldn’t see her.

“Nobu… I know you have good intentions, but are you sure this is the right idea?” Shuya asked, putting a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I mean, it’s admirable of you to pay for all this and everything… but I’m not sure if Noriko will be in the mood for this.”

“Food always helps with heartbreak, okay? And… well, I need to start making up for all the baked good I’ve taken from her over the years, giving her nothing in return,” Nobu laughed. Shuya couldn’t help but smile a little, but it didn’t take long to fade.

“How do we know though that there’s heartbreak involved?” Shuya knew he was being too optimistic. He just didn’t want to think of Noriko getting her heart broken. She had been talking to them about this for months, trying to get everything absolutely perfect, and it appeared things had not turned out the way she thought they would.

“If the engagement had gone as planned, she wouldn’t want to talk. Something must have happened. If-“ Nobu was cut off by the small voice of Noriko. She stood by their table, hands shoved in the pockets of her thick coat. Nobu looked up at her sheepishly, wondering how much she had heard. Even though his romantic feelings for her had long-ago faded, he still felt embarrassed around Noriko most of the time. He always seemed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but they had managed to form a rather close friendship somehow through the years.

“H-hi,” Noriko slid into a seat opposite them, staring down at the table. “Thank you for coming… sorry if you guys were busy with something. I just really need someone to talk to, and I know you both won’t judge me.”

“We weren’t busy, Noriko. Of course we won’t judge,” Nobu gave her a smile. “So, what happened?”

“Nobu!” Shuya looked over at him. Noriko let out a small almost hopeless laugh and just shook her head. The first three appetizers were placed down in front of them and reluctantly, she took a bite of one.

“It’s okay. I came here to talk about it, right?” Noriko mumbled. “The day went to plan. I gave her flowers in the morning and we had a picnic, just like I told you I was going to. Then, we took a walk for a while. I was probably stalling, I wasn’t sure if I could get the courage to say it. When I finally felt like I could, I took us over to one of the prettiest spots in the park, got down on one knee and… she said no and ran away.”

“What?!” Nobu’s eyes widened. “She… she ran away, just like that? No explanation, no nothing?”

“Yeah,” Noriko said, the memory playing over and  over in her head. “When I got home, some of her stuff was gone. I think she needed some space, so she went away for a while. She used to do that… but usually she wouldn’t take anything with her, as she never went that far.”

“What do you think is going to happen next for you guys?” Nobu asked her between bites. He was trying to keep himself in the moment, he really was, but the food was amazing and needed his attention. “When she comes back? Or are you going to go after her?”

“I’m not sure what is going to happen. I’m not sure what I’m going to do at the moment at all, really,” Noriko said. “I want to give her space… but at the same time, I’m worried that if I do, she’ll never come back, or take it to  mean that it’s over. I just want to know why she said no. I’m not angry… just confused, I guess.”

Shuya nodded at her, trying to think of the right words to offer. He had never been in this situation, and he doubted he ever would. When he would inevitably propose to Nobu in the future, he knew he would say yes. He just wanted to wait a little longer, maybe after college.

“If you’re worried, you should go after her. If you want to give her space, stay here – you can even stay with us for a while if you want, if you don’t want to be alone. You could send her a text in a few days if she isn’t back, just to let her know you’re around, you’re not angry. Reach out a little,” Shuya offered.

Noriko nodded as more food arrived, deciding for now to focus on that instead of what tomorrow might hold. The phone in her pocket seemed to weigh a ton, though, and she kept coming back to it every now and then during the meal. Eventually, when Shuya and Nobu got into a debate about prawns, their attention away from her, she pulled out the phone and began to type.

**[Noriko Nakagawa: hey. I miss you. I hope you’re okay.]**

Her finger hovered over the send button, but she never tapped it. Instead, she got rid of the message, put her phone in her pocket, and pretended she had never considered it at all.

\---

The next morning, Yoshimi and Hirono stood in the hallway, just able to see into the kitchen. Mitsuko was slumped at the dining table, either half asleep or trying to block out the world – they couldn’t tell, exactly. They did know she was hungover, and had managed to find out bits and pieces last night when she had briefly come out of her room. As they had figured, her visit had something to do with Noriko. Her name was the only intelligible thing they could get out of her.

“When should we strike?” Yoshimi whispered to Hirono, watching as Mitsuko slowly lifted her head up off the table, groaning as she greeted the light in the room.

“Now,” Hirono nodded at her, and the two entered the kitchen. Hirono took a seat beside her, while Yoshimi stayed standing, eyes set on the prize – Mitsuko’s phone. She just needed to wait for the right moment. It was going to be Hirono’s job to get the information, and hers to put it in action.

“Why are you both looking at me like that?” Mitsuko snapped. Hirono tried to think of a time she had seen her look this cranky before, but nothing came to mind. _Yeah, she really did fuck up somewhere._

“Just checking in,” Hirono said, feigning innocence. “Considering the fact you ended up laying on the rug by the TV last night weeping, I thought it would be polite. Noriko came up a lot, for your information.”

“Fuck off, Hirono,” Mitsuko glared at her, trying to hide the shame that was consuming her. Why, just why, had she given in? She hadn’t felt this awful in a long time, and facing Noriko only made her feel worse. “Just get me a glass of water and leave me alone.”

“Fine, fine,” Hirono said, getting up. The screech the chair made on the tiles made Mitsuko want to strangle her, but she decided against it. For once, Hirono was actually doing what she asked, instead of making it more difficult. “A glass of water, with a side of regrets. You know, letting it out will always help.”

Mitsuko slammed her hand down on the table so hard Yoshimi jumped back.

“I _said,_ FUCK OFF, HIRONO,” Mitsuko yelled. She was going to cry, she could feel it. It couldn’t happen. Not counting the times she was drunk, which she figured didn’t really matter, she had never cried in front of them before. “What happened with Noriko is none of your damn business. I may have completely ruined everything by turning down her proposal, but that’s my problem to deal with and mine _alone.”_

“HA!” Hirono said in triumph. “It’s always so easy getting stuff out of you when you’re hungover- wait… what?!”

“She proposed, and you turned her down?!” Yoshimi said in shock. She eyed the phone, waiting for the perfect time to grab it. She sensed it was coming soon.

“Look, I panicked, okay?!” Mitsuko said, shoving the glass of water away. “I… I love her, but I’m not ready. All my life I’ve thought that I’d never have – or never _want_ for the matter – that person that you know you’re just going to be with forever, and here she comes and just – it’s complicated, okay? I don’t exactly know why I said no at the moment, I don’t know why I’m not ready. It just seems like… a lot.”

“The least you can do is call her,” Hirono leaned back in her chair. “Unless you tried to tell her that before you came here. Only an idiot would just say no and run away.”

“HEY!” Mitsuko yelled before she could stop herself.

“You ran away?! Well, all the reason to call her then,” Yoshimi gave her a smile. She prepared herself to grab the phone. Any second  now.

“She probably hates me,” Mitsuko said. In that moment, Yoshimi reached out, grabbed the phone, and wasted no time dialling Noriko’s number. Mitsuko got up out of her seat, tried to grab the phone back, ending up with the three in the living room shoving each other as they waited for her to pick it up.

“H-hello?” Noriko said shakily. Yoshimi climbed up onto the couch, almost toppling over as she pressed speaker. She held the phone up high in the air as Hirono tried to hold Mitsuko back.

“NAKAGAWA! IT’S YOSHIMI. YOU REMEMBER ME, RIGHT?!” Yoshimi yelled into the phone. “WELL. MITSUKO IS AT OUR PLACE AND HAS SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, I THINK. WE JUST HAD TO GIVE HER A LITTLE PUSH.”

“Yoshimi, give me back the phone before I KNOCK YOUR TEETH DOWN YOUR THROAT,” Mitsuko shouted back.

“Wait, she’s at your house? W-where is it? Does she want to see me?” Noriko asked, now holding the phone slightly away from her ear.

“Of course!” Hirono called out. She gave Mitsuko a little shove, as if to say, ‘come on, let us handle it,’ and was given the finger in return. “I’m sure Yoshimi can give you our address.”

Yoshimi did the honours by screeching the address into the phone. Noriko thanked her, said she was coming, and went to end the call, but she must have not hung up properly. They could hear muffled voices in the background, the three of them listening intently. Even Mitsuko stopped, wondering if Noriko was going to say anything about her.

“Did she call?” The voice was familiar, but they couldn’t place it at first. Eventually Yoshimi could, figuring out it was Shuya Nanahara, an old junior high classmate.

“Well not exactly… her friends did. They told me that she’s at their house, and she wants to see me,” they heard Noriko respond. “I’ll have to get a train to get there… I’m not sure if she even wants to see me.”

“I’m sure she does!” Another boy’s voice this time. “Go for it,  Noriko! Come on! You have to get ready!”

When she heard Noriko’s laughter, Mitsuko realised how much she already missed it. Hurt filled her, but the anxiety of seeing her again remained stronger.

“Okay, okay, I’m going!” Noriko chuckled. At that time, Yoshimi hung up, turning to Mitsuko with a sly smile on her lips. All that was left to do now was wait for her to arrive… and hope Mitsuko didn’t kill them first.

\---

As soon as she walked out of the train station, Noriko wished she had asked Yoshimi and Hirono for actual directions. It was pouring down rain as she walked down  the street, her trying to shield the notebook page she had written the address down on from the weather. She shivered as the cold chilled her bones, hoping that the next street would be the right one.

More than anything, she hoped that Mitsuko actually wanted to see her. She hoped that she didn’t want to end things for good, that things would one day be okay between them again. Her heart raced as she continued to walk, the rain getting heavier. As yet another street proved to be the wrong one, she froze, taking her phone out. She debated for a while – probably too long – about whether she should send the text asking for more information about the address, before ultimately deciding against it.

She could find it herself. It just gave her more time to figure out what to say to her when she arrived.

After fifteen minutes more of searching, Noriko finally found the street. A small, unsure smile crossed her lips for a moment before fading as soon as her anxiety took over again. Looking back at the paper, she took a deep breath, shivering as she looked for the house. She was almost there…

She walked up the small driveway, taking care not to trample through the garden. She climbed up the stairs and stared at the door for a moment, wondering if even after coming all this way, she should turn back. She probably didn’t want to see her. After all, it had been her friends who had called. She could hear her protesting in the background.

Before she could turn away, she willed herself to knock. It was rather quiet, her wondering if they would even miss it, but the door opened about a minute later. When she saw Mitsuko there, the dark eyes she had fallen in love with what felt like forever ago staring back at her, she almost cried.

“You’re soaked,” Mitsuko said quietly, the first thing she had said to her since the rejected proposal in the park yesterday. Was it only yesterday? It felt like much longer. “What possessed you to go out in this weather.”

Noriko couldn’t help it now. Her tears had returned now, for good this time, them dripping down her face freely. She noticed Mitsuko step back slightly, eyes shining with pain, but she didn’t reach for her or say a single word. She was waiting for Noriko to speak.

“ _You,”_ Noriko said, taking a deep breath. “I… I’m sorry if you needed space. I just needed to see you, and when your friends called me and told you where you were, I knew I couldn’t leave it like this. I’m not angry at you. I don’t hate you – nothing of the sort. I just want to know… are we over?”

Mitsuko looked at her, feeling like she was going to cry too in a minute. Not caring at all about her wet clothes, she hugged her tightly, shutting the door behind them. She felt Noriko’s tears drip down her shoulder, which only made her own start falling. It was one of those moments, the type where suddenly, out of nowhere, it hit her how much she truly loved this girl. If she lost her, it would tear her apart.

“We aren’t,” Mitsuko nodded, gently rubbing her back. “Not at all. I’m sorry I ran off… just, I didn’t know what to think and I didn’t know what to do.”

Noriko nodded, pulling away to take her hands, wanting to meet her gaze while she spoke to her.

“Why?” Noriko whispered. Mitsuko took a deep breath. She knew as soon as she saw her again, this question was going to come.

“I panicked. Being with you is amazing… it’s changed my life for the better and I do want this to last. Just… marriage seems to definite. It… don’t laugh – it’s kind of scary. I know no one who had a successful marriage. Your dad destroyed your family. My mother hated my father. Hirono’s parents fucking despise each other. Marriage… just seems like it will end in disaster. It’s cursed. I don’t want that to happen yet. I’m not ready to leave. I’m not ready for us to leave.”

Noriko looked at her for a moment before wrapping her arms around her again, giving her a gentle kiss. She could understand. Mitsuko was knew to this. It had taken her a long time to trust her, a long time to say she loved her, and she respected that. Some things took a little time.

“I understand,” she whispered after Mitsuko returned the kiss. “Maybe,… just maybe, after a few years, when we’re a little older, we could reconsider? We could be the exception.”

“Maybe,” Mitsuko nodded at her. “One day, okay?”

“Yes, one day,” Noriko smiled, burying her face in her shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” the words, which she had struggled to say for so long years ago, now slipped from her lips effortlessly when it came to her. It was one of the only things she was sure about in the whole world.

Noriko smiled as Mitsuko held her. It was going to be okay. Maybe one day, things would change and she would reconsider, but this was perfect for now. Having Mitsuko with her was better than anything else in the world.


End file.
